I wrote the title of this and then spent too much time clutching my hot chocolate and staring. I came across many WordPress blog posts that posed the question: why do I blog? It’s a heavy question as I began to question myself. The original reason and the current have mushed.
Originally, I began blogging more and being more active on my website because I wanted to open myself up to my readership to remove some mystery of who I really am. For many years, I only did interviews and podcasts and never revealed much about myself. That hand in hand with my lack of videos, selfies, and social media created a shroud around myself. I was the mysterious woman writing spooky stories that gave readers nightmares sometimes, as I’ve been told.
This hurt me. At events, people didn’t recognize me. They would know my name or my work, but not me. They considered me less than professional as well because of this. In the public’s opinion, I had a good reputation for working hard, producing beautiful works of art, and a talented writer. Though I am all these things I’m more than them.
This year I’ve pushed past my anxiety to remedy some of these things. I’ve also begun sharing more of myself. I’m still not out in the public as much as others or nowhere near as others, but you can still see me more compared to past years.
All the above was why I began, but I continue for different reasons. I genuinely enjoy engaging in the community. I did this a small bit at the beginning of my public career but eventually stopped. This wasn’t because of my anxiety, but more a lack of interest. I couldn’t see how it was making a difference. I can now see actual engagements.
I have experienced so much in the last several months. I have even been recognized locally, refreshing and a happy-making moment. It gave me a sense of pride that my work isn’t just going into the void online and not making a difference.
I will continue blogging, even if there is a gap, there will always be a ‘next post’. For me it’s been a journey. One of a few I’m on. The past weeks have been full of illness, family, and birthday celebrations. All things that have made me happy, except for the illness. I am still moving forward and that, to me, is all that matters.